The third Sunday of January, and it finally looks like a winter wonderland outside, or a waste
land I suppose, if you’re a scrooge like that. The sky is a blank slate of cottony-grey. The distant mountains are all but invisible. The earth has been reduced to one or two colors instead of a thousand. There’s something about this bi-annual snow we get in Greenville, SC that makes the world feel still, like time is frozen for a little while. For someone like me, who is constantly observing scenes, textures, shapes, and colors, I believe my mind takes a well-earned break from all the visual stimulus when the world is overrun in whites and greys.
With recently starting a small business, taking on a new part time job, moving twice in one month, and attempting to pursue my passion of storytelling and illustration on the side, I’ve realized that anxiety and restless exhaustion have dominated my disposition. I have spent more energy than I have in the tank, and when I finally have a free moment to relax, I feel my hands fidgeting with guilt, reminding me of how much more I should have accomplished that day. So I’ve had to talk with myself to sort out why I feel guilty when spending time on fun or rest.
The emotion that fuels my “creative guilt” is fear; fear of never being good enough, fear of missing that one big opportunity, fear of squandering my time, and fear of being left behind when everyone else in my field succeeds. This fear deprives me of the joy I feel when creating art, and ultimately causes me to dread my work instead of loving it.
So what does this have to do with the snow? When I woke up this morning, my windowpanes had transformed into the glass walls of a snow globe. And inside the globe, the world stood still. This scene beckoned me to take rest in the stillness while I can, instead of forcing productivity on my tired body and mind. So often I take advantage of a unique moment in life to promote myself on social media or capture the moment through art. It’s so easy to forget the importance of intentional, quality down time; the kind of time that actually refills your cup. So today, instead of forcing myself to create something that will drain my energy or tackle a project that will eat up my time, I am choosing to rest. Because first and foremost I am human, not just a creative mind.
In a world that expects constant stimuli and forward momentum, it’s so easy to fall into the fear that you will never reach your goals if you take a break. It’s so easy to burn out and hate our passion instead of cultivating it in a healthy manner. So, in this world that is ever-polarized and full of competitive energy, I am happy to be reminded that we all have some things in common. We are all humans living under the same sun, the same moon and stars, and yes, sometimes under the same snow clouds. These snow clouds have frozen our city for a little while, and I plan to join the rest and calm it offers to give.
01/16/2022
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